FAIR!!!!!! sux

So my dearest Steph says "Hey come to the fair", so I think, like anyone would, that this is going to be a night full of wonder and enchantment. Bright lights and fun rides. WRONG. I can't believe I spent 20 AMERICAN dollars on this crap. First, Steph's little sister and I decided to go into the mad house, which I suppose they took literally because all it really did was piss me off. 12 mirrors and a slide, that I almost lost Steph's youngest sister on forever. We took a walk around to see the games, which there were plenty more of than anything else. Game booths terrified me, everywhere I turned some freightening, toothless mutant demanded that I play for the same three styles of stuffed animals that they've had there since I was eight. I think that when they were looking for extras for "The Hills Have Eyes" they must have scavenged the Iredell County Fair, hoping they could save money on horror make-up. THEN I almost died on the one ride I was brave enough to go on. IT was fashioned out of some sort of hydraulic truck trailer, with rickety carts darting radially out from the three inch diameter pole. Let me explain that this ride seemed innocent enough. It was a cute little ferris wheel, slowly being loaded up, sure to be a joyous experience, right? NO. This was a whirwinded death machine. A cyclone of terror, ran by inbred carnies who may or may not have been convicted sex offenders, I can't be sure. After stifling my vomit *huagh... HUAGH*, I go to hunt for food, and we find this cute little camper advertised to sell fried chicken, fish, and I'm sure greens and watermelon if you catch my drift. This was the BEST part of the trip because not only was Steph mistaken for a "white girl" (this makes me trully happy because I always wonder what people will think about me walkin around with a bunch of half-breed beaners) but also this was some bonafied after-church, family 'union chicken. I was in love. The rest of the night included a sweet young man with down syndrome (or at least he had really small eyes, and I imagine a really large swollen tongue, because home boy was tone-def) singing "Keep on Rocking in the Free World", over and over and over again. You know what, I take back what I said about him having down syndrome, had he been I would have been much more entertained, and less likely to hate him for introducing me to what has to be the WORST song in "the Free World". Hey douche bag you may sound awesome at your little sister's fifth birthday party, and you may have over four fans on youtube, but you SUCK. It was like watching The Worst of American Idol Auditions, except instead of everyone singing "You are Beautiful" they all try a hand at this masterpeice, over and over and over again. Then dearest Steph and her two sisters demolished a funnel cake complete with Strawberries and Chocolate (my absolute fav, bitches) and I didn't get not one bite before it was vaporized. Obliterated. Finally it was time to go home... thank God. *Keep on Rocking in the Free Woooorlld* damnit.