STIFF'S CAR SUX, I am a Super Hero

So, Stephanuts has mooched again. I'm at my work and she shows up, after I had to email her an itinerary hoping that she'd get the hint that she is a neglectful hag. Anyways, I gotta say even though she sucks the big one, I was happy that she went out of her way to come see me. Or at least that's what I thought. We're hanging out, being besties, and she tells me her drivable machine of death has bad brakes. SOO this is why she showed up to the service center that her best friend just so happens to work at. So I have one of the hourly guys replace her brakes on her Pinto for free, and she's on her way. Then Hobo Harry texts me saying her brakes don't work, well, what did you expect ho, they were free. After like ten minutes of her whining that she almost "died" (big effin deal), I tell her to stop driving the POS, I'm pretty sure they were recalled like a hundred years ago anyway. Then she guilt trips me, only has a few days left of class, she says. Well I decide to let the human sponge soak up a little more of my generosity, I offer her my car. The polite thing to do would have been to politely and humbly decline, but not Steph. She takes the car, but not after bitching about how due to it's superiority she'll have to fork out more money for premium gas. THEN she has me drop the keys off at her work.
"If you're on the I-77"she says I-77! There's no "the", emigrant. That night, she drops off the keys to a car, my car, and then has to return in the morning with hers. I'm not even going to comment on that, I feel like I don't need to say a word to explain how incredibly dumb that was. I'm not going to say a word about how much of an ass I would feel like if I dropped of the wrong keys to my own vehicle at a service center. Not a word. After we finally get the keys and the car we can't even drive the thing because this mooch hooch doesn't even leave the car with any gas. RUDE! So I put some gas in the car, and I really just wanna know one thing, where's my cape? Well my boss finds nothing wrong with it, my personal theory, there's a loose nut behind the wheel that's been eyeing a certain some one's pristine BMW since the aforementioned someone got it. I text her and tell her to come pick it up before the damn thing blows the shop up. And that ho, she forgot my cape.