Steph gets physicscal

So I come over for Ili's thirteenth birthday, and of course I'm the highlight of the party. I breeze in effortlessly and hand the birthday girl exactly what she wanted. Everyone ohed and ahed when she opened her gift and saw the most exquisite pair of socks that they have ever seen. You see... people love me so much; I come over for their birthday, and they give me gifts (not this time, apparently the entire Centeno family didn't get the memo, whatever I didn't want dehydrated black beans anyway). That's what I bring to the party... eff that I am the party. BUT out of the corner of my eye, in the perfect literary contrast, there Steph sits with her dark hair, dark stained lips, and dark glowering eyes. Brooding. Bringing me down on Ili's day. This was sure to be a momentous occasion :/ It hits me that I've never seen this side of Steph before, sure she's annoying and intrusive and she wears odd clothes that always look AMAZING, but this was different. This was a whole other monster.... the homework monster, and for the first time I had caught her in her most natural habitat, hunched over a physics book, pulling out her hair. I tried to be entertaining, and charming but she was attentive and studious. I tried drama and gossip, but she was nerdy and boring. Had she really been doing homework all this time, or was this a REALLY extravagant lie. I was at a loss for words... Physics? Really? Is it possible that I have become the bestfriend worthy of a "YOU SUCK" blog? Had I really become less entertaining than the study of the motion of matter? Hey Steph, study me, I can jump... how high?

FAIR!!!!!! sux

So my dearest Steph says "Hey come to the fair", so I think, like anyone would, that this is going to be a night full of wonder and enchantment. Bright lights and fun rides. WRONG. I can't believe I spent 20 AMERICAN dollars on this crap. First, Steph's little sister and I decided to go into the mad house, which I suppose they took literally because all it really did was piss me off. 12 mirrors and a slide, that I almost lost Steph's youngest sister on forever. We took a walk around to see the games, which there were plenty more of than anything else. Game booths terrified me, everywhere I turned some freightening, toothless mutant demanded that I play for the same three styles of stuffed animals that they've had there since I was eight. I think that when they were looking for extras for "The Hills Have Eyes" they must have scavenged the Iredell County Fair, hoping they could save money on horror make-up. THEN I almost died on the one ride I was brave enough to go on. IT was fashioned out of some sort of hydraulic truck trailer, with rickety carts darting radially out from the three inch diameter pole. Let me explain that this ride seemed innocent enough. It was a cute little ferris wheel, slowly being loaded up, sure to be a joyous experience, right? NO. This was a whirwinded death machine. A cyclone of terror, ran by inbred carnies who may or may not have been convicted sex offenders, I can't be sure. After stifling my vomit *huagh... HUAGH*, I go to hunt for food, and we find this cute little camper advertised to sell fried chicken, fish, and I'm sure greens and watermelon if you catch my drift. This was the BEST part of the trip because not only was Steph mistaken for a "white girl" (this makes me trully happy because I always wonder what people will think about me walkin around with a bunch of half-breed beaners) but also this was some bonafied after-church, family 'union chicken. I was in love. The rest of the night included a sweet young man with down syndrome (or at least he had really small eyes, and I imagine a really large swollen tongue, because home boy was tone-def) singing "Keep on Rocking in the Free World", over and over and over again. You know what, I take back what I said about him having down syndrome, had he been I would have been much more entertained, and less likely to hate him for introducing me to what has to be the WORST song in "the Free World". Hey douche bag you may sound awesome at your little sister's fifth birthday party, and you may have over four fans on youtube, but you SUCK. It was like watching The Worst of American Idol Auditions, except instead of everyone singing "You are Beautiful" they all try a hand at this masterpeice, over and over and over again. Then dearest Steph and her two sisters demolished a funnel cake complete with Strawberries and Chocolate (my absolute fav, bitches) and I didn't get not one bite before it was vaporized. Obliterated. Finally it was time to go home... thank God. *Keep on Rocking in the Free Woooorlld* damnit.

You can suck on some homeworking balls!!!!!

Dearest Steph has ofish abondoned my lonely ass. She's always too busy. I invite her to indian buffet (something I know her foreign lovin ass would never turn down unless she really hates my gutz) and she says she can't. I ask her what she was up to last night and she says to me she has to do homework. Who does this girl think she's foolin? Her grandmother?
Stephanie's Grandmother: "Mama why you no come for rice and brue garlis (blue garlic, not food colored)"
Stephanie: "Mommie, I'm just really busy right now"
Stephanie's Grandmother: "You have much homework?"
Stephanie: "Uh... Yeah, that's right too much homework"
Stephanie's Grandmother: "O-o-ahh, MI Steponee, you have homework, you are college gir you finish your homework a-awe I lub you"
Then Stephanie frollics off free to do as she pleases
Well Steph I may not be as wise or venerable as your granny but damnit I went to school with you Steph, that's the dumbest excuse EVER. You never do your homework unless it involves drawing, which always ends up looking more like Hentai than a school project. Probably some old drawings of her and Gay's relations, that she's been meaning to scan and put on her Myspace anyways.
She thinks she's all cool chillin at her new/old job, answering the phone for gays. Where is that gunna get you in life, besides knowing exactly how many slices come in a large pepperoni. Or how about the other lame ass job... at the library. That's right she works at the town of Mooresville's public library. You think you're educating the world. The only reason people really come in there is to look at the internet, and the only reason your there is to make sure they don't watch porn because as we all know... poor people can't be trusted. If she really valued our friendship she would quit her damn jobs, leave school, and be my full time friend.