Sucking Internationally

   So Stiff is in GERMANY! As if she couldn't get any cooler, or more communist. If this is shocking news to you, do not worry, you are not alone. While I knew that she was not happy "here", I assumed she meant Mooresville. So I set her up with a dood and a swanky house in Salisbury. This did not satisfy her soul, which had recently become possessed by Gypsies. She moved forward with plans to move, I assumed to Charlotte. In my mind, this would certainly satisfy her craving to venture and voyage. I was wrong again. NoDa, while a satisfying, and culturally enhancing weekend trip for any Hipster, is not exactly the life changing destination that Stiffnose was hoping for. It became apparent that Stephanie was hoping to travel to one of the gray, blank spots on my map, which is anything outside of the southeastern United States.

   Now I'm not completely Steph-stupid, I did know that she wanted to move to Europe. We had discussed it in great detail. The problem is I never took her seriously. She would say "Hey, we should move to Sweden!" and I would reply "Yes, and you should dye your hair purple!". I did not know I was acting as a catalyst to Stiff's change of life adventure, I thought we were participating in some fun improv exercise. Oh, yeah, her hair's purple. Like PURPLE. When we would discuss our move to Europe and recent Powerball winnings, I always thought she was hoping to go to a place a little more Scandinavian. She shot for sucking on Swedish Meat balls and settled for wiener-schnitzel (which I had to Google the spelling of, she would be so proud). Now, quite honestly, Stephanie could be anywhere in Europe and.... I wouldn't know the difference. Except the Irish have red hair and Eastern Europe is... not for me. 

   How's she doing you ask? What has she learned? Did she make friends? Are things different? ????????

A million other flipping questions. I couldn't tell you. Please feel free to visit her Official Facebook Fan Page, where you will find thousands of photos and unique European anecdotes. Seriously, she could post a picture of a German bike lane and it would receive 300 likes and spawn a political debate about the economic advantages that Europeans enjoy that Americans are too stupid to take advantage of. I've decided that, in light of her recent fame, which I'm not even remotely jealous of, Stiff can suck a saw-sage.